Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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