I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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