I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize