I CAN MOONWALK!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
