My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just googled if crying burns calories
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
