I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
