Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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