You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The dick lei will go down in squad history
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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