Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
True strength comes from lack of pants
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
