Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
