The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
