She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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