I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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