She is in my trunk
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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