sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
