He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
