I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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