I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
