oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
