we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
