Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
