i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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