The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize