If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
