Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
