i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
