id be glad to
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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