I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
