Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
BRING THE BAGELS
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize