first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize