I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
