hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my being single is dangerous.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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