Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
