I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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