Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
