Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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