Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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