Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i came on her dog
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
