false alarm. still invincible.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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