FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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