im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize