Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
