Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
