I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
