"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize