He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
