i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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