I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
