White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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