Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
