I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize