Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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