its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize