I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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