I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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