Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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