can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
