I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
