and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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