his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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