his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
