Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
id be glad to
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
this hospital has no fireball
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
