with your own penis?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize