God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
