someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
