Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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